Why The Blog?
Somewhere between our wedding day and Chase starting preschool, I lost myself. I used to hang out with friends, enjoy the gym, try new recipes, get too involved in the Kardashians’ lives and eat dessert before dinner. But this amazing thing called life happens and I think a lot of women can relate.
After we got married, my focus was on becoming a good wife. I quickly learned his favorite foods, took on most of his family traditions and made it a point to kiss him goodbye every morning paired with the, “Love you babe. Have a great day!” I would (and still- if he were home) pack Andrew’s lunch everyday ensuring he had enough protein for each meal and two snacks. We were both working full time living in a tiny apartment. We were poor and still figuring out living together but we were so incredibly happy. I danced my final year with the Jazz that year and when the Director asked why I didn’t want to try out again, I remember saying, “I just want to go home at night and be a wife.”
Then came our two beautiful little boys. Chase was born on Memorial Day weekend after 28 hours of labor. Grey was born the day before Independence Day two years later. Both had a ton of hair and the sweetest little lips. They became my world. I breastfed both boys for the first year of their lives. Chase slept through the night early on but Grey was up 3-5 times a night and the only thing that would soothe him (and not wake Chase) was nursing. I was exhausted. For a while there, I felt like vomit, green poop, changing diapers and pumping all hours of the day was my jam. It was difficult, but I rocked it and I loved it.
From the beginning, I was adamant about putting them on a very strict schedule. My family would always roll their eyes at my typed-up schedule and talk about how uptight I was/am. I didn’t care. Chase didn’t eat a bite of junk food or candy until we put him in daycare and they fed him hot dogs! (Gasp!) I’ve eased up quite a bit but those little boys are still my world. I still try to sneak spinach in where I can and try my darndest to be consistent with disciplining them even when I feel defeated. Having children was a big change in my life, but the snuggles, thigh rolls, baby smell, cooing and toothless grins made every second worth it.
With my newfound love for parenthood and minor responsibility of keeping two kids alive, our marriage shifted. The children had become my number one and Andrew was lost somewhere below. I had a boss, whom I admire because we share similar values, tell me that my husband should come first. He said that parents are the foundation of the family. Note taken. So in addition to caring for the boys, I tried showing my support for his military career and sports teams by attending events, making treats and going to as many ball games as I could make. We’d stay up extra late catching up on TV shows and chatting and laughing the night away. These nights are some of my favorite times. Though our marriage is not and never will be perfect, we are stronger than ever and our love, strength, communication and trust continue to grow.
My husband is amazing. He is a busy man having chosen careers that serve others. He is a teacher, football coach, basketball coach and was recently the Commander of his unit prior to this deployment. He is not home often, but when he is, he spends all of his time playing and wrestling with the children. He gets more excited for Lagoon than both boys combined and he’s the one to read bedtimes stories with silly voices. He’s the fun when I’m the stressed and he’s the spontaneous when I’m the scheduled. We balance each other out.
I place a lot of pride in my home and family. Because it matters most to me, I’ve focused all of my attention on Andrew and the boys-nothing is for me. And so here we are.
I’m making a list of things I’ve always wanted to do but never had the time or courage to do. I want to break out of my shell and find me again. I don’t want my family’s happiness to determine all of mine. Some of the things on my list may be lame to some people, but that’s okay. They’re for me and we all have different goals, lives, personalities and fears. I know I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who longs for friends, who wants to try something new or who feels lost in responsibilities. What would you want to do or accomplish in nine months? Send me some of your ideas! Better yet, let’s do them together!